peppercat

via https://ift.tt/33dxqB0

captain-truffles:

Know what’s kind of interesting? Often with a fic, you reach a point – even with a one-shot – where you’re like “Ah, shoot, this isn’t some Platonic ideal of itself” and start to convince yourself that the minor rough edges and uneven-ness are serious and irredeemable. It’s not the flavor of the story, the character of the narrative, your own unique writing voice – nah, it’s a shoddy version of itself and you hate it. You’ve read it so many times you can’t un-notice the tiny imperfections, the perceived imperfections.

When you get to that point and someone picks up your fic and says, “This is a nice little home you’ve got here,” there’s a temptation to say “Yeah, but did you notice the creaky floors, the gaps in the walls, the subtle inconsistencies sprinkled around? It’s structurally sound, sure, but it’s not airtight, it’s not a new way of building a house, in fact our neighbors just built a house like this and we’re pretty sure it’s better than ours. To top it off, our best craftsmanship is a few years beyond the level we were at when we made this. It’s not great, it’s okay at best and we know we can do better, so – ‘thanks, I hate it’ is more the reaction we’d expect. Besides, you’ve probably seen mansions built by people with thirty years of experience, right? How can this compare?”

And that’s when you’re like “Wait a damn minute, I just made a thing someone wants to enjoy, someone thinks is great, someone wants to spend time with – and I’m trying to push them away from it?” I don’t care if you made a rickety backyard shed; you goddamn made something, and that is a place others are interested in inhabiting. And sometimes the reward isn’t the whole fic: it’s about the shading on the walls, that one color you created accidentally that conveys a unique emotion, the way the structure frames the world outside it. Sometimes it’s just a comfortable place to stay when it’s stormy, and it doesn’t need to be perfect, it shouldn’t be perfect, because it’s a reflection of the person who made it.

Write the damn fic you want to live with in all its glorious imperfections. We spend so much time searching for things we love, and then we criticize ourselves for trying to make it ourselves, because other people do the thing, too, and they did it differently and sometimes “differently” feels like “better.” I mean, why should I write whump and h/c and slow burn romances when there are glorious, sprawling, unbelievably well-loved stories out there? Because I haven’t sated my own appetite for it, and everyone who comes to the door eager to see what’s inside hasn’t lost their appetite, either.

That’s the best part: there is an endless hunger for fics, whether it’s old fans or brand-new ones searching for their favorite tropes, give me more, give me more. Heck, even after we move past our current fandom, we leave our works behind, and people find them and love them, no matter if they ever leave a single trace of their presence for us, the creators, to find. Their presence alone, choosing to step through the door and see what we made, means something. We can forget that kudos and comments and even hits don’t measure reader happiness and how many times one person returns to it or how much that one line made someone ache. Quantifying love is impossible, but we try because we’re desperate for validation and proof that the thing we love to do and make and inhabit is worth it.

It is. I promise you – even if you can barely string two sentences together, even if you haven’t written in ten years, even if you hate everything you’ve ever written – you have made other people happy, inspired them, changed them and their relationship with the thing you love. These works literally change us. They enrich our lives. And we can’t let the Platonic ideal be the line we have to cross before we let other people see what we’ve done.

It might seem like we shouldn’t put sub-par fics out into the world, but I am literally begging you to do exactly that: write terrible, self-indulgent, absolute clusterfucks of stories. Drabbles, full-length novels, one-shots, WIPs – whatever! First time writer? Fuck yeah!! Been writing for three years? Holy shit!! You’re amazing and I’m so excited to see what you can do!! Who cares if there are too many commas? You think my stupid monkey brain says “Comma kill Story – bad Story, one too many Comma” when I’m reading a hurt/comfort fic to die for? no!! It’s all about satisfying the craving, babey!! Perfection is OUT. Imperfection is IN.

Don’t even put a damn roof on the thing – we’ve got a whole subgenre known as PWP that basically says “You know what? Fuck the roof. We don’t need it.” Just write exactly what you want to write. Someone out there is looking desperately for the story you would love to write. That’s the love story of it all: your work is a gift to someone who has a hunger for it, a place to stay, a comfort in a cold, dark, unforgiving world. It is not about making the most beautiful story humanity has ever witnessed. It’s about writing a story that will make some people very, very happy, a few mildly overjoyed, and with enough exposure, probably a few people rather angry (“really? No roof?? it’s fucking raining in the living room!!”). Ignore the angry remarks (unless you’re looking for someone to spot the flaws, and want to make a less drafty house – then say “thanks for mentioning it!”), embrace the people who are stoked about your story.

Listen – for the love of God, listen – when people tell you that they loved something you made. It doesn’t matter if it could be better. It could always be better! The very world we’re framing with these stories could be a hell of a lot better!! We are imperfect! We are going to only ever make imperfect things! And they’re amazing and entertain an audience desperately LOOKING for imperfect things! Every human being has the CAPACITY to write, to make stories, and so many aren’t because we have this idea that only people within a percentage of the Platonic ideal are supposed to be writing at all.

Fanfiction isn’t supposed to be about constructing a story with perfect grammar, flawless narratives, spot-on characterization, etc. It’s about writing more content for a thing you love, even if that content is far from the best you can do and maybe doesn’t hold up to the test of time. That’s okay! It’s okay to make bad art! It’s okay to make okay art! It’s okay especially to make okay art!! Make it! Just write it! Don’t care if it gets zero notes or you hate it! Someone is going to find it and love it and hope that you do more! Because you WILL get even more experienced if you keep at it, and suddenly you will naturally do the things that were once monumental struggles because you kept at it until you sanded down the rough edges.

Don’t punish yourself for the imperfections, the extra commas and run-on sentences and lack of transitions. I wish there was ten times as much content in the genres I love, but I’m grateful that there is ANY content in the genres I love, and those efforts matter so much. It matters so much to me that there are literally millions of writers out there, every one of them at some point looking at what they do and thinking “This is objectively terrible” and wanting to burn the whole house down. Don’t you dare!! I love that you did something!! I love that it’s not the Platonic ideal!! It’s yours!!

I find it both comforting and tragic whenever I am confronted by that feeling, that terrible feeling that the thing I just spent hours, days, months on isn’t everything I hoped it could be. So what!! Neither are you!! None of us are perfect, we’re all making mistakes all the time, accumulating regrets, and yet we are still living good lives, trying to live better lives, and fuck the concept of the best life! It’s not real! Just try, do what you’re doing and don’t punish yourself for not being more. You’re doing good! And good is a good thing!

This has been a pep talk sponsored by “God, I’m so glad this thing that I’ve written hasn’t inspired me to hate it.” I promise you won’t hate everything you ever write, and I really hope that you keep writing to find those joyful moments. (And trust me, even with this thing, there have been parts I’m like “Goddamn it, I could do so much better – I don’t know how, but I could, right?” WRONG. That was what I did, and it moved the story forward, good is good enough.) And if you’re brand new, heck yeah!! Heck yeah!!! Welcome aboard, hope you love it here!! We can always appreciate more of a good thing. You are capable – you are literally overflowing with talent – of making good things! Just try! It’ll be okay!

Truffles, I needed to hear this so much last night, you have no idea. Thank you.